Wednesday, April 30, 2003
What is it about the past that can get us so worked up? I sometimes wonder if anyone has regrets or doubts about the past. I do not know if anyone looks back and says I should have done that, I should not have done this. I believe that I am not the only one, but that does not make it any easier. I am very happy where I am (for the most part). I do not really think that changing something that I did in high school or college would really have an impact on my life now. I can see that my regret is a big obstacle to my faith. I should not regret because the past is the way it is for a reason. The things that happened (or did not happen) did so for a reason, a reason that I may only come to understand years down the road. And in all honesty if I don't understand the reason, so be it, just knowing that God has a reason for these things should be enough for me. Much easier said than done.
I went and saw Holes last night with my g/f (Jenn) and her roommate. I did not read the book, but the movie was fantastic. It had a good moral to the story, the acting was great, it was funny yet serious, and it made me feel good after it was over. Definetely the kind of movie that I love to see. It is not just a kids movie. Not by any means.
It has been a year since I graduated college. Very scary to think about. But it also helps me to understand that college was not the be all and end all of life. It was just a chapter in what I hope is a very lively life.
Friday, April 25, 2003
Tuesday, April 22, 2003
I completely understand that some people who are arrested may be aware of their rights, but that is not the case for everyone. It may have not been the best idea in to require police officers to read rights to the person that they are arresting, but I think in a society where we should be striving for justice it is something that we should probably maintain.
Monday, April 21, 2003
I think much of the time we in our lives is spent on ways to handle these situations. And in every regard the way we handle these situations is life itself, but then why is it that we see other people who seem to be free of all these troubles. Are they really good liars, or are the truly free from worry?
This is something I have pondered at many times in my life. There have been many times in my life when things seem to be going well and then all of a sudden *boom* something else happens that I have to deal with. I have spent many longer hours in a depressive state. I have searched my soul, my brain and my heart for the reasons that things like this happen. I have tried to reason out why I do not have this and do not have that. In the end I am no better off than when I began except for a really bad headache, bloodshot eyes, and a hungry stomach.
I have spent the last few weeks pondering my future. I have also spent the last few weeks working on a few of the relationships that I have either let slip or have gotten away from me. I have been procrastinating make important decisions in my life, I have been angry with people I should not be angry with. I have been frustrated with people I love when I should just forgive them. I have failed to communicate when I know communication would alleviate some of the problem. But nonetheless I fail to do these things because I am too caught up with these things in my head and I do not give myself a chance to work out the problems in the "real world".
In the end I do not know if I am really better off going this way or that. It is if I am standing on the side of road looking at the fork, but not willing to take either path. I do not know if it is fear of failure, fear of the future, fear of change or something else. I do know that if I stand here and look at the paths forever, nothing will happen, no joy, no sorrow, no success and no failure. I do not think I can live a false life.
Saturday, April 19, 2003
I've been having some trouble with my computer lately. I really would like a new one, but that will not happen until I get a job to afford one, or go on to graduate school so I have a reason to buy a new one. Anyway...I am so very thankful that I have a computer...let alone enough money to buy what I need in life.
I've been listening to the Cure alot recently...I've enjoyed it greatly, although initially the reason I wanted to listen to "encourage" a down mood. I have been struggling with many things recently (i.e. should I go on to grad school, where should I go if I go, how can I work this decision out with my g/f, what do I need to do right now to be closer to God, what are His plans for me...stuff of that nature). I thought back to my teenage years and how the Cure where always a good "downer", but now I find that they make me more happy than anything else. Their music brings back great memories and feelings that I had during those years. Not necessarily happy memories, but learning experiences. It is wierd looking back on those years. It scares me that I started high school 9 years ago...it seems like yesterday that I was a clusmy freshman walking the unknown halls and looking around at all the "wierd" kids. Now I am filled with faint memories and vague faces. I was such a different person then. A couple months ago I ran into a guy who I had many classes with during high school. I really did not even recognize him and we used to talk in our many classes. I felt bad, but I cannot change what my brain chooses to remember and what it does not. This incident and others lead me to think about what high school really meant to me. Not a whole heck of a lot. I only speak with four people that went to High School with me, and only one of them was in my class. I guess it is not really important that I speak with many of them because without three of those people I would not be the person that I am today. But that is a story for another time...
Before I write more than my computer can handle I will get to the "point" of tonight. Easter is upon us. A time of rememberance for God's Son who died on the cross about two thousand years ago. A time of re-birth, both physically and spirtually. It is a day for solemn reflection, celebration and sharing.
This Easter, April 20, 2003 is of special importance to many because of the events of four years ago. April 20, 1999 is a day I will always remember. It is the day that 15 people lost their lives because of fear, hatred and ignorance. This event which touched many of our lives whether we knew the people involved or we did not. The event transcended our human differences and hopefully allowed us to change the way we thought. I grew up in a neighboring suburb to Littleton, I knew the highschool well, and I knew many of the students. But the impact on my life was far deeper than just due to my familiarity with those involved. I do not want to trivialize this event, but I had to come to a deeper meaning of it for myself. This event helped me to understand that the events that take place in our world have meaning. Our world is not made up of random happenings that have no purpose. I came to the conclusion that some "thing" had control over what went on in our universe. What that "thing" was, I was not sure at that time.
I now thank God for putting these feelings into me after this horrible event. I woke up! I did have a spiritual re-birth. I was not ready at that time to become a Christian, but I had made a great big step. As a Christian Easter has enormous meaning to me, a meaning that I will not forget. A meaning that I praise God for. But, I also cannot help but reflect on the loss of life that I hope will help change the world, and will help those who need God find God.
Wow...I did not mean to write that much. Have a wonderful Easter and please remember why we have Easter in the first place.
Tuesday, April 15, 2003
Bummer for the Jayhawks...Williams is a great coach, the school and the program will miss him dearly I am sure. I think that Williams has been the coach since I started watching college basketball. It will be a different team (in my eyes) from now on.
Monday, April 14, 2003
"Is faith a risk? Of course. But failing to step out in faith is to risk missing real life". Neil Anderson "Life on the Cutting Edge".
Faith is a very interesting concept. Trusting something something you cannot see, something you cannot touch. It is very amazing that there are people who have any faith at all. As modern humans we are told by popular culture to trust certain products, to trust certain people, to trust certain companies, to trust our own desires, but we are not told to trust in some supernatural force. I guess this is a good thing that we are not told to trust a supernatural force, because that should be our choice as individuals. However, we are being lead away from the things we should be trusting. We should trust love and hope and faith. If we can accept that there is some order to the universe, that chaos does not reign free then these ideas only follow.
Maybe with war in Iraq and talk of war elsewhere in the Middle East I cannot help but wish that as a human race we would think outside the modern box and look for something that does not change because of popular opinion, look for something that we cannot buy, nor can we sell, look for something that transcends the trivial differences of us all. Maybe it’s completely unrealistic. But why should that stop us from trying?
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices when truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance”. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
“ There are three things that will endure – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love”. 1 Corinthians 13:13
Sunday, April 13, 2003
Friday, April 11, 2003
Tuesday, April 08, 2003
Monday, April 07, 2003
Thursday, April 03, 2003
So, to make a long story short, if you are going to live in a tourism based economy be prepared to suffer underemployment, under payment, and way under appreciation (although in my position now I am finally being appreciated and I am a "TEMP").
"It is a great place to visit and go to college, but I would not want to live here"
Wait! But, I do live here. DOH!