Saturday, April 19, 2003

I've been having some trouble with my computer lately. I really would like a new one, but that will not happen until I get a job to afford one, or go on to graduate school so I have a reason to buy a new one. Anyway...I am so very thankful that I have a computer...let alone enough money to buy what I need in life.

I've been listening to the Cure alot recently...I've enjoyed it greatly, although initially the reason I wanted to listen to "encourage" a down mood. I have been struggling with many things recently (i.e. should I go on to grad school, where should I go if I go, how can I work this decision out with my g/f, what do I need to do right now to be closer to God, what are His plans for me...stuff of that nature). I thought back to my teenage years and how the Cure where always a good "downer", but now I find that they make me more happy than anything else. Their music brings back great memories and feelings that I had during those years. Not necessarily happy memories, but learning experiences. It is wierd looking back on those years. It scares me that I started high school 9 years seems like yesterday that I was a clusmy freshman walking the unknown halls and looking around at all the "wierd" kids. Now I am filled with faint memories and vague faces. I was such a different person then. A couple months ago I ran into a guy who I had many classes with during high school. I really did not even recognize him and we used to talk in our many classes. I felt bad, but I cannot change what my brain chooses to remember and what it does not. This incident and others lead me to think about what high school really meant to me. Not a whole heck of a lot. I only speak with four people that went to High School with me, and only one of them was in my class. I guess it is not really important that I speak with many of them because without three of those people I would not be the person that I am today. But that is a story for another time...

Before I write more than my computer can handle I will get to the "point" of tonight. Easter is upon us. A time of rememberance for God's Son who died on the cross about two thousand years ago. A time of re-birth, both physically and spirtually. It is a day for solemn reflection, celebration and sharing.

This Easter, April 20, 2003 is of special importance to many because of the events of four years ago. April 20, 1999 is a day I will always remember. It is the day that 15 people lost their lives because of fear, hatred and ignorance. This event which touched many of our lives whether we knew the people involved or we did not. The event transcended our human differences and hopefully allowed us to change the way we thought. I grew up in a neighboring suburb to Littleton, I knew the highschool well, and I knew many of the students. But the impact on my life was far deeper than just due to my familiarity with those involved. I do not want to trivialize this event, but I had to come to a deeper meaning of it for myself. This event helped me to understand that the events that take place in our world have meaning. Our world is not made up of random happenings that have no purpose. I came to the conclusion that some "thing" had control over what went on in our universe. What that "thing" was, I was not sure at that time.

I now thank God for putting these feelings into me after this horrible event. I woke up! I did have a spiritual re-birth. I was not ready at that time to become a Christian, but I had made a great big step. As a Christian Easter has enormous meaning to me, a meaning that I will not forget. A meaning that I praise God for. But, I also cannot help but reflect on the loss of life that I hope will help change the world, and will help those who need God find God.

Wow...I did not mean to write that much. Have a wonderful Easter and please remember why we have Easter in the first place.

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