Saturday, August 09, 2003

Life as I see it and this little moment in time

I am tired of pretensions, I desire authenticity. This is true for me in both faith and life. I do not want to have to dress up to go to church. Is it not my relationship with God that truly matters? I do not want a big building that is filled with hollow words; I want an honest discussion of God, faith, life and all that we as humans have to deal with. I do not care where I have this discussion. It could be a house, a bar, a park or a cardboard box.
I desire something more out of life that the mundane. I do not want my life to center around money or material things. I want my life to be filled with love and curiosity, hope and grace. If I am to be considered an idealist, that makes me feel all the better about my beliefs.

Maybe it is the relative loneliness I have felt these last few days. For the first time in five years I am away from the people whom I feel I know. I am in a new place and I have yet to have a “real” conversation with anyone here, despite efforts on my part. (And by “real” I mean something other than chit-chat about the weather, the town, etc…). I am sure this will change, or at least I pray that it does. When I went off to college five years ago I know I felt this same way, but I do not think I really understood what was going on. Maybe I do not really understand it now, but I have at least have pinned why I am feeling the way I do. I cannot expect anything to change overnight, but I can at least hope for something more.

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